I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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