For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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