note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
