Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
