He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
