Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How's work?
Spinning.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
