I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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