The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
