my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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