This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
