just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
