I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
