you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
