I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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