hotel room ftw
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
