it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
