Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
