Someone shit on the floor
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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