If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
