I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
