I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
