so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
