I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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