i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
