census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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