You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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