I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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