I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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