oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
