I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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