The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
