God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
