He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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