apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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