I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
