I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
