If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
