We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
soo... how was my night?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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