that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
