dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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