Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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