Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry mm031996 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?

Fav 57 1554 4119
share tweet
(757): View more from Virginia

apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously

Fav 19 1161 5325
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(813): View more from Florida

Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?

Fav 14 5339 2740
share tweet
(952): View more from Minnesota

In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.

Fav 32 4864 2894
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax

Fav 3 1712 1002
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.

Fav 1 2347 763
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(252): View more from North Carolina

i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.

Fav 1 594 1009
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(917): View more from New York City

ayo

(1-917): View more from New York City

its like you know when i get waxed

Fav 3 95 15
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(586): View more from Michigan

What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.

Fav 0 31 15
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT