pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
