Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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