so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
