You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
