I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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