There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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