Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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