My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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