he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
