I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
