My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
